Have you ever been to the W? The hotel is run by Starwood Hotels and Resorts Woldwide, one of the largest hotel company in the world. They also own Westin, aLoft and more. Anyway, when you think W, you think luxury. Everything in that place looks expensive, from the furniture to the drinks. Of course, its clientele is mostly made of business class people, socialites, artists, and anybody who can afford $8 for a rhum and Coke. The wall of vinyls is pretty impressive. I have yet to see someone pull out a good record and have it played by the DJ though. The furniture looks like someone fancy living room. To sum it, the place is fancy, just like the people that hang there.

Anyway, this is not really my kind of spot but I go there anyway. Not because I want to spend $8 a drink. Not because I want to look like I belong there. Not because I want to hit on MILFs (yes, they are there). I simply go because I love people watching and the scene is quite entertaining. Let me paint a picture for you.

As I walked in around 11pm, there are a bunch of people there. Of course, the crowd is older than your average bar on that side of town. Women were walking around with nice dresses, heels, and expensive jewelry. Some guys had on suit and tie, others rocked khaki pants and tucked-in collared shirts. I felt a bit out of place with my white sneakers and my graphic tee. Most were just sitting around on the couches in the living room area and by the bar. They looked like they just came from a business meeting. Some older men were walking around parading their female partners like models. And yes, some of those women looked like Fox News anchors, but drunker.

The music was provided by DJ Rich and due to the older crowd, he got to play a lot of school music. I thought birthday girls were annoying because they always had song requests; well, grown folks are relentless too. They would go stand somewhere else and stare at the DJ until they hear their song. Then after 2 songs pass, they would come back going “where’s my song?” And like that every 5 minutes. Most had nice picks like Bobby Brown’s My Prerogative. Every once in a while, some grown ass white man in his 40’s would come up to Rich. As he would come up, I thought he’d sound like your over-the-top whitey white guy. He sure looked like that caricature with his pressed khakis, belly hanging over the belt, a glass of Scotch on the rocks in one hand, the other in his pocket and that look on his face that a car salesman have as they compliment you but you know he’s just full of shit and wants your money. He looked like those men in bank commercials or the rich white bad guy in action movies. You get the picture. I expected him to request Hootie & The Blowfish or something like that. But I was wrong. The man asked for Eminem and 2 Live Crew!! By franchise rules, DJs cannot play anything too hardcore and certainly not hardcore hip hop. But the man was hell-bent on wanting to hearing hip hop that he kept tipping Rich $20 after $20. Rich ended up playing that Eminem and Rihanna song to shut him up (that’s all he had brought anyway).

This was all on a Thursday night. I was the only black guy in the whole place, I think. And for some reason, some older men felt the need to come up to me and tell me the following: “dude, there is so much pussy in here. It’s ridiculous.” That happened 3 times, from 3 different men. I don’t know why they came to me. Maybe they needed my stamp of approval. 1 of them even tried to do some kind of crazy handshake with me which to me basically means “I’m down with the , brothersyou know what I’m sayin’“. All 3 of them were white, old, rich-looking, drunk and horny apparently. I just kept laughing as they walked away trying to figure out which younger chick to target next.

And then there was Master Dry Humper. I’m sure you’ve seen this guy. He dry humps anything that moves. Actually, he’ll dry hump the air too. He does not care. He was so proud of his dancing that he looked like he invented the pelvic thrust. Over there standing on the futons. By the bar. On every single girl within a 5 foot radius. He had no shame. He’d just crawl behind them and activate his signature air fucking motion. He reminded me of that SNL parody of night at the Roxbury with Jim Carrey. He even lifted a girl skirt and she ran out the room.

Then I was standing the place’s sound system by the bar. I was just minding my own business. Then 2 women, easily in their 40’s, came stumbling towards me and asked me: “Is that yours?” as they point to the sound system. “Huh, no. That’s the club’s sound system. Why?” I replied all confused. Without missing a beat, one said: “because you look like someone who’d know how to use all of this stuff“. I was even more confused by the answer. They were drunk and could barely stand. Nothing attractive to see here. One tried to dance with me, more like stagger around me. I was looking for an escape route and saw Master Dry Humper from the corner of my eye. So I drew her towards him and sure enough, he turned around, took over and showcased his humping super powers on her. I was saved!

Overall, I had a great time regardless. The scene is quite different from what I am used to but I was very entertained. You should check it out.

P.S. If it’s 100 degrees outside, why have a fire in a fireplace going inside?!?! Turn that shit off![/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]