I’d have to say I go out pretty often, experiencing the night life that Austin has to offer and the many wondrous sites and adventures you can experience in one night are kind of hard to place into a nut shell. There are a vast amount of gorgeous people out there especially amongst the dance community. Knowing how to dance has helped me break the ice countless times to meet new people and enjoy the art 10 times better. But has anyone noticed that regardless of how much fun you are having with your partner male or female, things are not as they used to be in terms of devotion and chivalry? As if your kindness and dedication is now a days seen as a form of weakness and cowardice. Yes, definitely have fun and do your thang, shake your booty and whatever, but when it comes right down to it at some point don’t you want to know that your outreach for the same amounts of affection will come back to you ten fold?
I was raised old school, taught and nurtured by my grandparents. Always show respect, dignity, endless amounts of love and devotion to a woman you love or eventually will fall in love with. Both my grandparents grew up together in a small Mexican farm town, loved each other since grade school. Happily married with, of course, certain drawbacks here and there. Had 11 kids and lived off of a miniscule amount of money in a home jam packed with children but loved every moment of it. My grandfather always opening the door to his wife while around the house, at an outing or when entering their vehicle. He always told her every day she was amazing and beautiful. With the minimal amount they had and living beyond their means, he would manage to get her a little something to rekindle the romance and love from so many years ago. Eventually my grandmother passed away and from the day she left this earth, my grandfather mourned every waking moment for about 3 and a half years until his day came. They loved each other until their very last breathes.
Well, in giving this small history of what I grew up seeing and believing of this definition of love, I have harshly come to realize this no longer exists. I too have these same morals and etiquettes adopted by the atmosphere my grandparents portrayed in their home. I have yet to come across a woman who will appreciate these attributes. She would instead see them as a weakness and some what of an annoyance. I do definitely see that women are independent and have their own values and I will never disrespect that in any shape or form or have I ever. The fact that someone comes around with the qualities most women seek are right in front of them and in their grasp to instead decide to throw it away because its preferable to have someone who is completely opposite? I understand that media/entertainment has a lot to do with what many people in these generations now a days are being fed to believe that life and love is supposed to be complicated, rough and filled with drama.
Many times too often I walked down the streets of Austin during these blissful nights of partying and dancing that there are far too many people who show lack of respect in their relationships. People arguing all the time and not giving back the same affection and instead being shallow and disrespectful, yet the man or woman tends to crawl right back to them later on that night. How is it not comprehensible to believe that things don’t have to be that way and chivalry does exist and shouldn’t be seen as something hard to believe or too good to be true, and instead shunned away? I have had my fair share of the liars, the cheaters, the psychotic ones, and the indecisive ones as well. But all of which have the same thing to say, “You hold me up so high and make me feel very special around your friends“, and use it as a form of conflict in the relationship. That right there is something that till this very day doesn’t sit right with me.
Also, before anyone goes on and asks “where do you find these women?” or “you’re finding the same type of woman“, I would like to address I have never had a specific preference in a woman. My only concern is if she is fun to be around, loves to laugh, cares and is warm hearted. I have dated different races, ages (legal age of course :-P), cultural backgrounds, views, financial instabilities, and interests. We live in a town that has a fruit salad of many different kinds of women damn it! There is definitely a lot to pick from. Yet all of which find it hard to accept someone who still holds a woman up high with respect, dignity, and will not have any restraints showing their affection and love. The sacrifices endured to be with someone are easily gone unseen, the fact that its hard enough to live through life staying above water and living life as best as possible is ignored and made meaningless because a spoiled attribute arises within them.
With 300 dollars in my pocket started my life 7 years ago in this beautiful town of Austin and some way some how I made it and I’m doing great. But these minor hiccups that come around and shred you up from the inside when someone cannot fathom the possibility of happiness with one another takes its toll every so often. Now with all I have been through and all I have seen thus far I am still an optimist to this emotional invisible gift called love, because I cannot say all woman are the same because then the phrase “all men are the same” would have to be true too, and that is definitely not true if I know I’m not like every other guy. So not all women and men are the same, I suppose just life styles are changing and no longer in sync as before. So does anyone out there see the same signs as I have about chivalry being tossed to curb and walked on like a dirty dollar that no longer has value in this world? And are there any positive out look on finding a genuine person to be your soul mate that might cherish these qualities out in a bar or club while out and about having the time of your life? I know that at times peoples views and ideals are jaded by the glorious times one can have while enjoying the night life, but is the thought still lingering in the back of your head eating at you saying “damn I should’ve appreciated the fact that I once had a good thing, but decided to let it go” ? That is life I guess, just got to carry on carrying on.
first start by saying this is a great article! I have to agree, and comment on the other end of the stick being a women. The best question asked in this article is why the drama/disrepect/ect in a relationship is choosen over the gentlemen defined in this article. speaking from experience; for me this is the case becuause it is comfortable, and once heart is broken it takes a specail type of person to be able to put it back together, and do it all over again loving and believing just as much as you did before the first heartbreak. So many people have adopted the mentality that it chivalry doesnt exist, or how about even the basic respect every individual is due no longer exist; if you ahve that beleif its easier to think that than to wrisk getting you heart broken again by a “good liar.” it is most people natural instinct to protect, therfore very few wear their heart on their sleeve, or walk into all new situations with faith and good hope..though people also long for companionship thus how so many hearts get broken, becase most are all walking around selfishly and protecting their feeling to avoid heartbreak
Wow! It’s hard to believe that men like this still exist…Where are the rest of them at??? I do agree with you and understand where your coming from….But just as you said not all women and men are the same. I do believe there are still good women out here..you just have to go threw a few bad ones to find the right one…Also, love will come when you least expect it…
I love this post it’s an eye opener of what true chivalry stands for and should stand for in our everyday lives even to this day. Excellent words of wisdom, there is nothing better then a person who has experienced his fair share of a good and bad relationships. The title itself is a great question to keep in mind, “Is chivalry being killed?” Another question to ponder is, “Why is chivalry being killed?” Are we not the only human beings in this world whom may be the only species that we will ever get to know and communicate, but we ignore it all and act like a bunch of dumb-founded dipshits who love to be assholes to one another. Either we start thinking for ourselves and fuck propaganda and do what’s best for ourselves and all those around us. Again great job and hope everyone will agree with this post.
bottom line, women are not the same anymore, they watch the same televisions shows we do and they put themselves on a pedestal and they want, scratch that reverse it, they strongly desire the so called surreal drama that they see and they act upon it, and men who have recognized this are no better because they see it as fish in a barrel. So in the end a lot of dumb asses are running about. For me when you find that woman or man that shows love back but you begin to over analyze them and wish they were more. STOP IT !!!, because you may not find another like them, just suck it up and do the best to make it work. It has become easy to leave someone and move onto the next, that’s what the media has shown us and I can say I’m guilty of it. and hoping my wife will take me back. Because as imperfect she may be, she is perfect and I must recognize it. WAKE UP PEOPLE love is in front of us. Just don’t be picky. In the end as much as we want to be like Hugh Hefner or like Marilyn Monroe there is nothing greater to have shared memories with the ONE you grew with spiritually and emotionally.
I do agree with the post but I wanna add an asterisk to it. Chivalry may be dead as you claim but I believe that all relationships should be like a stepping game. You can’t make a big step towards the other person (in terms of love, affection) and expect him/her to step towards you by the same amount. I can see how people on the receiving end see it as “wow, this is a too much…don’t put me on a pedestal…you’re creepy, I’m out…”. Not everybody deserves the big amount of affection at once. The key is to dose it just right to maintain a somewhat consistent growth in the relationship instead of just trying to impress the other. Be yourself and keep it interesting and you’ll both step towards each other naturally and eventually become the great loving couple that was your grandparents. GREAT POST, Queso!
thanx all for the comments and criticism.. sure throwing a lot all at once is not the idea but a constant steady flow is more along the lines of what im trying to get across.. i am a strong believer of acting and being who you are from day one.. be yourself of course but then again when changing it up to a complete different person kinda confuses people… take for instance you open the door for a woman once, im naturally going to do it from then on in.. but the day that doesnt happen then the opposite of the relationship will naturally think something is wrong.. basic idea uniforms itself in other aspects of the relationship, ya know what i mean 😉
Interesting that it’s from a man’s perspective. Embarrassed that I’ve never considered that women weren’t the only ones to notice how devoid our society is of chivalry these days. I’d love the hear more ideas as to how we’ve come this far. Bravo BBoy.
great post and please do not let your heart be hardened by these “failed interactions”. sometimes it takes people years to rebound and be able to let themselves love again, so please do not let these relationships deter you from searching for what you want. and chivalry is definately not dead. i would say pretty much every woman wants to be treated with respect, love, and admiration, but the ones you describe are either not mature enough to accept these emotions, do not feel they deserve to be treated that way, or are uncapable of returning these feelings (and this could be for many reasons that you may just never find out). not sure where most of your opposite sex interactions are happening, but from my experience, most people out in the “night life” are not looking for the type of relationship you are looking for. maybe if you get lucky you might find one, but they seem to be few and far between in these types of environments. all i can say is always stay true to yourself and what you believe in, everything else will follow, including that special someone who will appreciate everything you have to offer her.
It is great to know there are men that think about women like you do. Know that there are women out there that think and feel like you do and soon you will meet somebody special. Chivalry will definitely never die if we have men like you to remind others. It would be wonderful to hear more of what you have to say about chivalry.
Wow, this really hit home for me. I recently (a few days ago) left a man i had been with for years because of the issues you are talking about. It is so true, you stay in a relationship that is bad because it is comfortable, and safer. This is what women want, but like someone else said it has to be in small amounts at first that are gradually raised. Slow and patient are also good qualities to have, as well as making your woman feel like she is the only one you see. Love is like a drug, you have to start slow or you might overdose 😛 love you Queso! you are a great guy!